Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
