I got chris browned last night
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
