you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
