what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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