All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
