And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize