anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
