This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dignity is for republicans.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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