i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
