So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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