Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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