I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
