Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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