Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize