can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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