Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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