She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
