you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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