My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just high enough for therapy.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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