you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
