I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
