No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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