I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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