So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
