I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
