That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
