i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
