I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she woke up with a sticky ear
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
