I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
