We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
