well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
