Sry I called you an 8
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
