So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
