it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize