All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
