I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
