you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
