I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
