Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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