tell your sister to shave her snatch
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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