I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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