Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
