I can tuck mytits in my pants
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
