it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
