I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
