the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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