I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize