Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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