my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
