i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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