FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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