my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
