just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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