I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
