yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
