Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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