At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
