Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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