did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
