Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize