Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
