Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
