i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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