I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
