You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
