We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
