so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
