I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
