Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
