Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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