you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
