I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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