Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just cropdusted the office
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Holy sore nipples Batman
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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