just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
