thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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